You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
