no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
