I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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