just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
