i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
