I just threw up on my dentist
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This is the high leading the old right now
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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