K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
