We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
