You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
