Buhtt sex?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
