dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
