I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He has the fingertips of a God
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
