Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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