All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
