The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
