Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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