you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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