Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
