Welp...herpes.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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