I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
