I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
