I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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