I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
