so explain again why im purple
no
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
