Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
