Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
