I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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