i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You ruined the universe
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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