why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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