my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
