i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
