I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
