This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
