If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
