who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
