i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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