i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
