evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
