I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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