I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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