Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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