I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
