after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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