I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Never let your siblings swipe right.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
