I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
