no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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