Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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