I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
