Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
