It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
