I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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