It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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