It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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