Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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