you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
