you would pick up someone in the library
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
