Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
