Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
