worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
