dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The Olympian is in my bed
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
