Sry I called you an 8
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
