my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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