and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
