Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
