Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
