ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
