I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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