the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
