so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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