Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
