clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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