I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
