she woke up with a sticky ear
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
