Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she pinky promised me she was 18
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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