I just saw a hot homeless man
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
