So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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