Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
